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By Ming Yan
My childhood was spent in the quarrels of my parents. I don’t know how many times I had been awakened by their quarrels at midnight. Since that time, my biggest wish was to have a happy family. In a blink of an eye, I reached the marriage age. My relative introduced me to a potential partner, saying, “This young man is honest with others, upstanding and capable….” I thought that as long as he could be good to me and give me a happy family, it would be fine. Then I agreed on this marriage.
Received the Expected Happiness
One year later, we got married and at our wedding my husband swore before my mother that he would be kind to me for all his life. Seeing his serious attitude, I was extremely moved and felt great happiness. After my marriage, my husband treated me well and cared for me with great solicitude in life. I also took care of our family with all my heart, feeling no bitter despite all hardships. When our son was several months old, my father-in-law went through connections to arrange for my husband a three-year study in a health school. Since then, all the household chores fell upon me alone; I bit the bullet and pulled myself through, with the thought that as long as it is for the sake of my family, all my hardships were worthwhile. Besides, my husband often praised me before others, which was a great comfort to me.
Happiness Vanished Like a Burst Bubble
But such a happy life didn’t last long. After my husband graduated, he worked as an intern in our local health clinic. As the enlargement of his circle of friends, he began to eat, drink, and seek pleasures with all kinds of people and was often out all night. One night, at about two o’clock, my husband’s phone rang. I picked it up to answer it. It was a woman of our village. I asked her what she wanted to talk to my husband about. She said, “Nothing …” Then she faltered saying nothing and hung up. For a long time my heart couldn’t calm down. Looking at my husband sleeping soundly beside me, I really wanted to wake him up to ask him what that was all about. But I didn’t have such courage: If this affair is true and my husband admits it, then how will I deal with it? What will happen to my family and my son? If this isn’t true, will my rash judgment affect my relationship with my husband? … That night, I felt extremely bad in my heart. Finally, I chose to endure it all alone for the harmony of our family and hoped within that my husband wouldn’t do anything disloyal to me.
One day shortly after that, I went to the health clinic to look for my husband. He was on the cell phone, but as soon as seeing me, he turned it off. I asked him who that was, he didn’t tell. Then I insisted on getting his phone to check for myself, but he lost his temper with me, and smashed it into pieces. His attitude stung me in the heart. It turned out that he had really been unfaithful to me. But I was reluctant to break up with him in order to give my son a complete family. So, once again I chose silence pocketing my pride. Later, I no longer lived frugally as before, and began to dress myself, use good make-ups, and wear fashionable clothes: I want to redeem my husband’s heart in this way.
Later, my husband complained that his salary was small working in our village and wanted to go out to do business with his friends. Seeing that he would earn more money to maintain the family, I agreed. Several months later, he came back. One midnight, his phone rang and I answered it. But hardly had I said “hello” when it hung up. I was suspicious about this phone call. At dawn that day, I called my husband’s business partner. He spoke to me, “Your husband has long ago lived with that woman. Her kid has called your husband ‘Papa.’ I tried to persuade him and your parents-in-law have also known this matter….” Listening to these words, I was stunned, unwilling to believe it was true. Tears kept running down uncontrollably. Over these years I had made every effort to take care of my husband and this family, but he should have an affair with another woman. Even my parents-in-law kept silent about it, leaving me the only one who was ignorant of it yet. I looked up to the sky and sighed deeply, and cried out in my heart: What on earth is this all about? I only wish for a happy and complete family, my efforts for this family were sincere, but why did I get my husband’s harm and betrayal in return? I felt it a great insult to my integrity and dignity and that I had no face to see people around me. I hated my husband and that woman to the core, and many a time I thought: If I met that woman, I would fight it out with her. It was she that broke up my family and brought all the pain to me.
In the Midst of Degeneration, God Saved Me Timely
Later, to avoid being laughed at by others, I began to disguise myself—forcing smiles before my friends and colleagues but weeping bitterly when I was left alone. Not wanting my child to suffer as a consequence of our problems, I struggled hard trying to give him a complete family. Yet this just made me feel so exhausted that I lived like a walking corpse every day. I was no longer inclined to take care of this family and when I was in emptiness, I tried to numb myself by drinking liquor, believing that I wouldn’t be that bitter if I got drunk. Also, I learned to play online games and made a male net friend. We poured out our inner thoughts to each other and when I told him about my pain, he said concernedly, “Few women are as good as you now. Your husband doesn’t cherish you, which proves that he has no vision. You can’t put all the eggs in one basket….” His words touched my heart. I thought he was right: Since my husband can choose his own lifestyle, so can I. Gradually, we kept nothing from each other as friends and sometimes, when I turned on the computer and found him off line, I would have a sense of loss for unknown reasons. By then, I found I had fallen in love with this man. I was in great agony. I had expected to ease my pain by venting my complaints to a stranger, but never did I expect to fall into another painful vortex of emotion. Immediately, emptiness, helplessness, conflicts, and a sense of loss all came flooding to my mind, and I really didn’t know how to cope with it …
When I was perplexed, wandering at the crossroads of my life, God’s salvation came upon me. One of my classmates testified to me about God’s kingdom gospel. I saw God’s words: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry., the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” My heart was warmed by God’s words and tears trickled down my cheeks unceasingly. I finally came to know that I was not a person that nobody loved or cared for, and that God has never distanced Himself from me but instead watched me by my side all the way to help and provide for me. In the depth of my pain and helplessness, it was God’s hand that saved me from the abyss of suffering, which made me feel God’s love and concern for me, and from God’s words, I once again saw the hope of life.
Finding the Root Cause of My Agony
Later I saw God’s word that said: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. … When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view, the life philosophies and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.” God’s words told me the root cause of humans’ agony and degeneration: It turns out that the evil trends of Satan are eroding our thoughts, so that we are more and more degenerated and corrupted, losing our conscience and reason and without our integrity and dignity. Thinking back, we couple could get along harmoniously at the very beginning, so our life was happy anyway. Ever since my husband associated with all manner of friends, he had changed: Not only did he eat, drink, and seek pleasures, but he even had love affairs with other women. In the past, a colleague of my husband, who wasn’t a local man, had cohabited with a local woman and they even had a kid. When I spoke of it, my husband said, “It’s his ability. Don’t make a fuss.” Isn’t his thought affected and fostered, assimilated and twisted by the evil trends such as “Enjoy things while one can” and “The Red Flag does not fall at home, yet colorful flags flutter outside?”
In fact, my husband and I were all victims of Satan’s corruption, living in Satan’s affliction. To me, when seeing my husband had a lover, I hated him; to change his heart, I started a beauty treatment and dressed myself…. At last, in order to get rid of agony, I even followed the evil trends to find spiritual sustenance through association and chatting with males online. Just when I was trapped in Satan’s snare and couldn’t extricate myself from it and was almost devoured by Satan, God’s salvation came upon me. God’s warm words consoled my sad and lonely heart and I felt God’s love and salvation for me.
Following God to Walk the Right Path of Life
I read another passage of God’s words that said: “Whenever Satan corrupts man or engages in unbridled harm, God does not stand idly by, neither does He brush aside or turn a blind eye to those He has chosen.” “What God wants to see is that man’s heart can be revived. In other words, these ways that He uses to work on man are to continually awaken the heart of man, awaken man’s spirit, letting man know where they came from, who is guiding them, supporting them, providing for them, and who has allowed man to live up till now; they are to let man know who is the Creator, whom they should worship, what kind of road they should walk, and in what way man should come before God; they are used to gradually revive the heart of man, so man knows God’s heart, understands God’s heart, and comprehends the great care and thought behind His work to save man. When man’s heart is revived, they no longer wish to live the life of a degenerate, corrupt disposition, but instead wish to seek out the truth in the satisfaction of God. When man’s heart has been awakened, they are then able to make a clean break with Satan, no longer to be harmed by Satan, no longer to be controlled or fooled by it. Instead, man can cooperate in God’s work and in His words in a positive way to satisfy the heart of God, thus attaining fearing God and shunning evil. This is the original purpose of God’s work.”
From God’s words, I understood: Satan uses all kinds of ways to corrupt and afflict us, aiming to trap us into its evil trends and devour us. But God couldn’t bear to see us wantonly afflicted by Satan and live in agony. He has cared for and protected us all along, and even provided for us by expressing words, so as to lead us out of Satan’s affliction and treading. Under the watering and leadership of God’s words, I saw clearly Satan’s tricks and was unwilling to be fooled and afflicted by Satan again. After that, I cut off my contact with the net friend, and moreover, I put aside my inner hate for my husband, nor did I bear resentment against that woman.
Thanks for God’s care and protection: When I was at a low ebb in my life and was going to be afflicted and devoured by Satan, it was God’s word carrying power that changed my degenerated life, turned me from the wrong path, awakened my spirit, and gave me confidence and courage to live on. From God’s words, I found the value and meaning of my life; I understood God’s will of saving man, and that only believing in and following God is the true way of life. I’m willing to read more of God’s words and perform my duty as a created being to satisfy God!
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