How to Get Along With Partner Against Our Will?

By Xiaoyue, Germany

In the company, everyone wants to work with a colleague whom we can get along with. However, things many times turn out contrary to our wishes. We will always meet partners who are not in line with our will and then there will be many conflicts and estrangements, which will even worsen our relationship to the extent of being incompatible like water and fire. My relationship with my colleague once was deteriorated to such an extent, but later it was resolved wondrously …

woman is working in the office

Sitting beside the computer desk, I set a pen against my chin, thinking: The supervisor said that she would arrange a partner for me. What will the partner be like? How is her professional ability? At this time, the supervisor opened the door and came in, saying happily: “Xiaoyue, your partner has come!” I stood up excitedly and took a look at the person behind the supervisor. It turned out my partner was a middle-aged woman of about forty-five. In an instant, I was somewhat disappointed. I thought: How is she so old? She is about my mother’s age. So then, her brain should be slow; can we finish our assignments at the end of the month? The aunt said to me with a smile: “You are Xiaoyue, right? In future, we will work together. I’m going to need your help.” I replied humbly on the outside, but in my heart I comforted myself: It doesn’t matter. If there is anything she doesn’t understand, I will teach her a few more times. What’s more, since she is about my mother’s age, she will certainly be good-tempered and we will get along well with each other.

However, in the following days when getting along with her, I found it wasn’t what I had imagined. The aunt was outgoing, and once she began to speak, there would be no holding her, and most of the topics had nothing to do with our business. Whereas I was introverted and liked being quiet. Especially at that time when the business in the company was busy, we needed to speed up the pace of our work. At first, I would remind her that her casual speaking would disturb my thoughts. But after several times she still did the same. One day, when I was rushing my work, the aunt put aside what she was doing and began to talk with me about the journey of her life again…. I pretended to not hear and buried myself in the work. But I felt stuck in my heart: Why do you not worry? Is it useful to speak those? Can it resolve any problems? Now the work is not advancing, yet you not only are not worried or anxious at all but rely on me to do everything. When the supervisor comes to inspect our work at the end of this month, I’ll see what you will do. It will be time for you to cry. At the time, I really wanted to stand up and shout at her, but thinking that I’m a Christian and shouldn’t act like that, I forced myself to bear it and put plugs in my ears. Seeing that I ignored her the whole time, she stopped speaking. After a while, she asked me about the difficulties in the work. Upon seeing that I had told her about the problem, I said impatiently: “Aunt, haven’t I told you about this? Why do you still ask me?” She said with a blank stare: “Have you told me? Why don’t I remember? Oh, maybe I forgot it …” I was helpless and annoyed, so I had to force myself to tell her once more and exhorted her again and again: “Aunt, this time you must remember it.”

After a few days, the supervisor came to inspect our work. Seeing that the performance of our group was not good, she asked us about the reason. The aunt said to the supervisor: “For us to perform this work, I think, the most important thing is that we should communicate more. But Xiaoyue didn’t communicate with me at ordinary times. We don’t know each other’s thoughts, so sometimes I didn’t know how to do it.” Hearing these words, I was extremely angry and thought: Haven’t I been teaching you all the time? Who should be blamed for your not remembering? The work is not advancing; why don’t you find the problem in yourself? Why do you shift all blame onto me? The more I thought, the more I felt wronged. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I choked them back.

After the supervisor left, I constantly complained in my heart: Alas, why did our company arrange such a partner for me? Won’t it even influence the performance of our company? I really didn’t want to partner with her another second. During that period of time, whenever I saw the aunt, I would feel stifled; whenever I heard her voice, I would feel resentful and also lost my temper with her at times. Feeling my attitude toward her, she always frowned. Sometimes she was about to speak to me, but then she faltered. In the dead of night, I dragged my exhausted body to the bed, knelt down and prayed to God in tears: “God, facing the surroundings You arranged for me, I really don’t know how to experience, nor do I know what lessons I should learn. I am in pain now. I don’t know how to get along with the aunt or how to act so that I can truly live out the likeness of a Christian to satisfy Your will. God, may You enlighten me and guide me so that I can understand Your will and have a path to practice.” After prayer, I took the book of God’s words on the bedside and saw such a passage of God’s words: “Everyone has small faults and foibles and they all have some things that are characteristic to them; they can all be self-righteous, weak and lacking. You should therefore help others with a loving heart, be tolerant, be forbearing and don’t be too harsh or make a fuss over every tiny detail. If someone is young, … or if they have only recently started to perform their duty, or if they have some special requirements and all you do is obsess over it and not let it go—what is this called? This is called being harsh. … This is not treating people fairly, but acting based on one’s personal preferences. Being unable to treat people correctly—this is a corrupt satanic disposition and it is a transgression! When people do things, God is watching. However you do things and however you think in your heart, God is watching!” Pondering over God’s words, I knew that every corrupt person has insufficiencies as well as personal characters. Naturally, there will be something that is not in line with our desires when we work together. God’s will is to let us understand and learn from each other but not obsess over others’ shortcomings and not let them go. I thought that when I first saw the aunt, I belittled her because I felt she was old and had a bad memory, which would delay the work. When seeing she talked too much, I felt resentful and then I would speak to her in a harsh tone. When she encountered difficulties in the work, I just showed impatience toward her and sometimes I even lost my temper with her. For these, she was restrained by me in everything, watched my expressions and felt pressured very much; I also lived in pain and torment. All day long I complained to and collided with her that my heart was occupied by my corrupt disposition instead of the work, which caused the progress of our work to be slow. Only then did I see that the reason why our relationship was worsening even to the point of being incompatible in coordination is that I’m arrogant and conceited in nature, so that I couldn’t treat her shortcomings and insufficiencies correctly but always looked down on her and treated her impatiently. At this time, I couldn’t help but think of the Lord Jesus’ words: “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but perceive not the beam that is in your own eye?” (Luke 6:41). That’s right. I also revealed many corrupt dispositions. That is, I didn’t understand or tolerate her but belittled, looked down on her and gave her nasty looks. Alas! What I revealed is so ugly; why don’t I reflect on and know myself but only find faults with her? No wonder I was so miserable: It was caused by my corrupt disposition.

I saw God’s words saying: “God has arranged such a fantastic environment for you. You have too many personal issues; you must learn to adapt, and not pick at the bad habits of others. Moreover, you have to be able to get along with them based on love, and get close to them; you need to see their strengths, learn from their strengths, and then pray to God and overcome your own problems. This is the attitude and practice of submission. … If it’s God’s intention to hone us in such an environment, then we should submit, and we should allow ourselves to be honed until a result is achieved; we should allow ourselves to be honed until we are as humans should be and can show this to God and satisfy God. First, though, you must have this resolve to suffer.” And I also saw these words in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life: “In order for people to interact normally with one another, they must possess a few principles of practice. These principles should … include … helping one another, showing tolerance to one another, caring for others, letting others benefit in all situations, considering others, not just caring about yourself, showing compassion for others’ weaknesses, and forgiving the transgressions of others. If we have these few principles, we will be able to build a normal relationship with others and we will be able to live in harmony with each other.” The words of God and the fellowship gave me a path to practice: Everyone has shortcomings, insufficiencies and also has advantages. I shouldn’t fixate my eyes on others’ shortcomings and not let them go, but should learn from their strong points to make up for my lack. I thought: The aunt is older than me, she knows a lot about life, and her humanity is mature. When I lost my temper with her, she never reckoned with me but treated me with tolerance; when I ignored her, she didn’t complain to me but showed compassion for my willfulness although she was embarrassed; sometimes when I was in a bad mood, she would talk with me about her experience to comfort and encourage me. Thinking of these, I really felt that I should learn from her in many aspects, especially in the living out of normal humanity. At the time, I understood God’s earnest intentions. God’s arranging the environment for me, on the one hand, is to change my arrogant disposition so that I can pay attention to knowing myself and treat others’ weakness correctly when encountering things; on the other hand, it allows me to learn to submit to the environment God arranged for me, to get close to my partner, and to learn from her strong points to make up for my deficiencies in humanity. This is God’s will. At the time, I didn’t complain anymore but thanked God for arranging us to work together. Thinking of the harm I brought to the aunt, as well as of my complaint about God’s orchestrations and arrangements before understanding God’s will, I felt especially regretful and indebted. So I decided to practice the truth, chatting with and opening up to the aunt, to let God be comforted due to seeing my change.

The next day, I opened up to the aunt and apologized to her gravely

The next day, I opened up to the aunt and apologized to her gravely. Her eyes moistened and she said: “Xiaoyue, I’m touched that you can talk with me like this. I know that I have many problems and faults. And I’m also afraid that you young people will look down on me, an old auntie. In the work, I have many times gotten you into trouble, so I should also say sorry to you. In future, I shall learn this professional knowledge diligently. Let’s coordinate harmoniously, striving to soon finish the assignments given by our company.” Hearing her words, I was touched very much in my heart, feeling the estrangement between the aunt and me was removed. I thanked God in my heart ceaselessly.

Afterward, when I got along with the aunt, I would learn from her strong points more, no longer belittle or look down on her. Even if sometimes I encountered something incompatible with my will, I would come before God to pray and ask God to protect my heart so that I could treat her correctly. Gradually, our association became more and more harmonious. The aunt also began to endeavor to gain the general knowledge of the business carefully and she made swift progress in every aspect. We two gave advice to and learn from each other, becoming good friends without holding back anything. I also enjoyed the liberty I had never had.

Time flies. Our assignments were finished and our company assigned me to another task. Thus, after getting along with each other for a month, the aunt and I were going to part. On the day of departure, while I was packing my things up in the room, I heard the aunt said to the supervisor: “I got along well with Xiaoyue and learned many things from her. We exchanged what we learned and spoke heart-to-heart with each other. I feel she has changed a lot and made much progress.” Hearing these words, I was touched very much, and I knew this is the result that God’s words achieved on me. If not, I would still treat the aunt based on my corrupt disposition. At last, we hugged, reluctant to part. When we encouraged each other, I shed tears, tears of attachment and emotion.

From this experience, I learned many things. I saw that if I treated others based on my corrupt disposition, I couldn’t get along well with them or have a true harmonious partnership with my colleague. I deeply realized that only if I treat others according to God’s words can I truly live out normal humanity and live with others harmoniously. Thank God!

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4 Principles for Christians’ Interacting With Others

By Hanxiao After believing in the Lord, along with listening to more and more sermons, we have some understanding of the Lord’s words and also always put forbearance and patience into action according to the Lord’s teachings in interacting with others. For this reason, we often feel peace and joy in our heart. But it is undeniable that many Christians are very hazy about the principles of practice in establishing normal interpersonal relationships. In fact, there are mainly four principles for Christians’ interacting with others. With them, we will be able to live out the likeness that the Lord is pleased with in our life. The first principle is that we should be able to love each other while getting along with others; the second is dealing with people with wisdom; the third is treating others correctly; the fourth is that we should not interact with others on the basis of our philosophy of life, but should establish a proper relationship with God. 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Those who have no love are inhuman and cannot get along with others, while those who have it have a compassionate heart, like to help others, and moreover are able to comfort those who suffer hardships. Besides, those who have no compassion love others conditionally. They only help and forgive those who did them a favor before or those who haven’t hurt them. As soon as someone impinges on or harms their own interests, they seem to forgive him outwardly, but their hearts are full of dissatisfaction and boredom. In this situation, we need to pray to God more and ask Him to grant us with a heart of truly forgiving and loving others. Only when we truly rely on God, can we have the faith to put forgiveness and patience into practice, and let go of the prejudices and dissatisfaction toward others inside us. But loving our neighbors as ourselves is not unprincipled, and God does not require a confused kind of love of men. We see that the Lord Jesus was full of mercy and love toward those who believed in and followed Him, but condemned and cursed the hypocritical Pharisees who opposed Him, this is an exemplification of the righteous disposition of God. So, we ought to draw a clear boundary line between ourselves and all the satanic forces that oppose and condemn God to achieve loving those who God loves and being clear about love and hate. The second principle is dealing with people with wisdom. In Matthew 10:16-17, the Lord Jesus said, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the middle of wolves: be you therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will whip you in their synagogues.” Actually, for Christians, using wisdom is an indispensable principle in practicing forbearance and patience and loving our neighbors as ourselves. This is because some people are the Christians pursuing truth, but some are the forces that are hostile to God, oppose God, and refuse to accept the gospel of God. And they are specially sent by Satan to interrupt and disturb the work of God. If church business or something about brothers and sisters is known to them, they will get a hold on these things to attack, judge, and condemn, and even report the brothers and sisters to the police. So, we must have discernment and be wise with these people. Secondly, it is unavoidable to encounter many difficulties in getting along with others, so it is indispensable for a Christian to use wisdom. Actually using wisdom is, on the one hand, for the sake of allowing others to gain benefits, and on the other hand, for the sake of helping to solve problems easily. For example, if we want to do or say something, we should consider what sort of disposition the person we are interacting with has, and how to go about things in a way that benefits them and does not harm them. All these are some practices of using wisdom. The principle of dealing with people with wisdom is also very important. The third principle is treating others properly. The Lord Jesus said to us: “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull out the mote out of your eye; and, behold, a beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5). If wishing to attain to treating others properly, we should not fixate our eyes on others, but should learn to find out our own shortcomings. 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When doing things, we should take account not only of our own interests, but also of others’. Besides, we should learn to be more considerate to others, to benefit them, and to listen to others’ opinions more. If someone has some shortcomings or does something wrong that jeopardizes our interests, we should treat it properly. Since the Lord Jesus can forgive us, we should also forgive others. The fourth principle is that we cannot use the philosophies of life to interact with others, but should instead establish a proper relationship with God. This is the most important. In our daily life, we often use those philosophies of life in the world to maintain relationship with other people, such as “Think before you speak and then talk with reservation,” “More friends, more paths. More enemies, more barriers,” “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” and so on. 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