By Li Na
As a child, I often saw my parents having quarrels over household affairs and I was puzzled about that. As far as I was concerned these trifles were no big deal and did not have to be fought over. I could not be like them when I grow up and get married in the future. Husband and wife should love and tolerate each other. However, as I grew older, after experiencing the marriage personally, I truly felt that the chemistry between couples was not as so simple as I imagined.
My husband and I fell in love at our will (at that age, most of the youth’s marriage was arranged by their parents). However, my parents strongly opposed our marriage because my husband was born in a rural village, but he was the only person I wanted to marry. In consequence, I was turfed out of my home by my parents. After learning that, my husband comforted me with honeyed words and a solemn pledge of love, by which I was deeply moved to tears. That was when our marriage began.
Within the couple of months after we got married, sometimes we bickered about some petty things, yet it passed easily as long as we forbore each other. Then one day, when we were going to the garden to spray fruit trees with pesticide, my father-in-law told us to take the pesticide but we both forgot it. As a result, my husband blamed me for not remembering it, while I reproached him for not taking it in advance. With this we began to fight. He said, “We will talk about this when we get home, don’t embarrass me!” Not to be outdone, I said, “I don’t care.” He looked at me with an impatient look. However, I didn’t take it to heart, thinking that we just tied the knot, needing a time of adjustment, and that everything was going to be fine after a period of time. Unexpectedly, henceforth, we had quarrels continuously. Conflicts and quarrels often happened, more and more furiously, and he even beat me just on account of the slightest thing. At that moment, I felt very sick to my stomach and wanted to pack my stuff to go to my elder sister’s. But then I thought: I’m already pregnant. What’s the point of going there? Wouldn’t I have to return eventually? Thinking it over, I could only swallow hard to stay at home. At this moment, I didn’t believe in our “true love” any more, only hoping our baby’s birth could bring a favorable turn for our relations.
Just as expected, over the ten months after our baby was born, my husband was always there for me when I needed him for fear that I would endure hardship or tiredness. Seeing this, I thought a good life had come, however, the fact was not the same as I imagined. One day, my child was playing with my husband’s niece and then they had a fight, my child’s face bled. I couldn’t contain my anger and said to my husband, “Look at your niece. She beat our child so severely, yet you don’t lecture her. How could you not be sorry for him at all?” My husband was burned up, saying, “They just had a fight, it doesn’t hurt. Wasn’t there just a little bleeding?” Then we were in quarreling, grappling with each other. After that, it was common for us to have quarrels and frays and we easily tussled. I was heart-stricken in the face of our marital discord, spending my days in tears. Gradually, I got fed up with our marriage as well as family.
In 1995, for the sake of avoiding family conflicts, I went to work away from home. Since that time, we were more estranged. We didn’t write to each other, nor even did we say anything when I returned to see our child. Just like that, my husband and I were like strangers, becoming a couple strange but familiar. Just then, I remembered that there were many family tragedies on TV and in print, resulting from alienation of mutual affection, and that my workmates and friends were also suffering from family conflicts. Now, it had become a common and hard to solve problem in family life. Formerly, so naive was I that I saw the conjugal relation so simply. As the saying went, “Even an upright official finds it hard to settle a family quarrel.” Family affairs were so complicated. How could I solve this difficult problem depending on my own “ability”?
In May of 2012, I fortunately accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days and also brought my husband before God two months later. One day, due to some household chores, a fighting occurred again for each of us aired our own views. When it was time for church meetings, I told a sister about our disagreement. She found a passage of God’s word for me, “Cruel, brutal mankind! The conniving and intrigue, the jostling with each other, the scramble for reputation and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? God has spoken hundreds of thousands of words, yet no one has come to their senses. They act for the sake of their families, and sons and daughters, for their careers, prospects, status, vanity, and money, for the sake of clothes, for food and the flesh…? How many do not act for the sake of their own interests? How many do not oppress and discriminate against others for the sake of maintaining their own status?” (“The Wicked Must Be Punished”). She fellowshiped with me, “God’s word has revealed the relationships between people. Our hearts are harassed by all sorts of satanic poisons and feudal thoughts for several thousand years, we are permeated with a variety of satanic poisons and live in Satan’s corruption, becoming arrogant and conceited, living for fame and gain, face, desire, and so forth. Therefore, we slaughter one another, fight continually and don’t have forbearance for each other. Couples are no exception. They dispute trivial matters endlessly, and they are overwhelmed with distress and unable to extricate themselves. Today, that God incarnate expresses the word is to purify and change the satanic corrupt disposition of us, so that we are no longer controlled by these satanic poisons, living out human likeness by the truth and being saved by God. So, sister, do not be entangled by these trifles anymore, otherwise you will live in the deception of Satan, even be captured by Satan. You ought to betray these poisons and treat your husband according to God’s word.” Through her fellowship, I came to understand: It is these poisons and viewpoints Satan instills into us that result in a bad relationship between my husband and me and bring estrangement and divergence to people, whom we are victims among. My husband is innocent. Being poisoned by the satanic viewpoints “A man lives for his face, and a tree lives for its bark,” “Being arrogant and conceited,” he felt disgraceful when I had quarrels with him and scolded him before others. Therefore, he had a grudge against me, fell out with me unceasingly and even beat me. And I, living by arrogant and conceited nature, wanted him to surround me and listen to me in everything. When he was rude to me or spoke loudly, I was reluctant to show weakness, and would oppose him. Ultimately, we were separated from the other, and emotionally on the verge of collapse. Now I knew the real culprit was Satan. For this reason, my hatred of him was removed and I wasn’t as angry as I was before. Accordingly, our relations eased little by little.
One day, when my husband phoned me on his way home after travelling, I didn’t hear the phone because I put it on vibration mode. At midnight, he returned, and as soon as he came in he said furiously, “I clearly told you I would be back tonight. Why didn’t you keep the phone with you?” I said, “I forgot it. Well, it’s too late. Go to bed and have a sleep.” He didn’t reply me and laid down on the sofa. Looking at my angry husband, I prayed to God ceaselessly for helping me to live out a normal humanity, not to argue with him over the little things, to disgraceand to be a laughingstock to Satan. After praying, I was much calmer and I saw God’s word later, “After living together for several years, they will have gotten used to each other, and locked horns a few times. But if you are both of normal humanity, you will always commune the words within your heart to him, and he to you. Whatever difficulties you have in life, the problems in your work, what you’re thinking in your heart, how you plan to sort things out, what ideas and plans you have for your work or children—you’ll tell him everything. In that case, are the two of you especially close to each other, and especially intimate with each other? If he never tells you the words within his heart, and does nothing but bring a paycheck home, and if you never speak to him of the words within your heart, and never confide in him, then is there not a distance between the two of you in your hearts? There surely is. He is distant from you, and you from him, because you don’t understand the thoughts or intentions in his heart. Ultimately, you cannot tell what kind of person he is, nor can he tell what kind of person you are; you don’t understand his needs, nor does he understand your requirements. If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they can’t provide to each other or help one another” (“To Be Honest, You Should Lay Yourself Open to Others”). After reading God’s word, I knew that the reason why we argued constantly was that I didn’t open my heart to him. In fact, six months after the wedding, there had been a distance between us. I neither told him what I was thinking in my heart nor knew his thoughts. We lived together in this way for so many years, as we lived together in partnership, having no common language at all. Although we lived under the same roof, our hearts were far apart. Just because of this, we had endless quarrels and were distant. With time passing by, a cold war came into being and our relationship also was on the verge of shattering, even if a slightly touch would lead to it falling apart. Thinking of this, I decided to share my experience and understanding with him when having meetings, practicing being an honest person which God likes in accordance with God’s word.
Once, in a meeting, I opened my heart to fellowship about my experience with my husband. I said, “Actually, it was not about you at all when we had an argument. I’ve been corrupted by Satan, having no human likeness. I am so arrogant that I always make you listen to me. When you spoke loudly, my voice would be louder than yours. Recalling back, now I realize I really have no humanity.” Hearing my words, he told me sincerely, “In fact, I knew it was not your fault in many things. I don’t know we’ve been corrupted by Satan so deeply, lacking in reason, until wetoday. Sometimes I knew clearly that I was wrong, but I didn’t allow you to blame me. I thought if I couldn’t criticize you, I would be dominated by you, so we always engaged in fights. …” I was surprised by such words he said, because he was very chauvinistic before. He never admitted his mistakes, even if we quarreled and I left home for work. But, today, he set aside position and face and said sorry to me, which let me see the authority and power of God’s word and that only Almighty God’s word can change people. I said to him happily, “Now, we understand: The root cause for all suffering is Satan’s corruption, and we are the puppets and tools in its hand. We are deeply harmed in that we have no truth and discernment, living in the struggle between people and feeling powerless to change that, whereas God doesn’t give up His salvation for us, never wishing to hear our wail when we suffer under Satan’s domain. He neither wants us to be trampled by Satan arbitrarily when we live in the world, nor wishes to see that we live by the corrupt satanic disposition, belong to Satan and fall into hell to suffer the permanent punishment, so God expresses the word to save us. Without the leading and guidance of God’s word, we would not have a normal relationship and would harbor our secrets in our hearts, still living as strange bedfellows. What will our future be? I could not even conceive that. Only God loves us most, and only God can save us from the affliction and bondage of Satan.” My husband nodded after hearing my fellowship.
Since believing in Almighty God, under the guidance of Him, my heart is wakened day by day from a long dead sleep, with the former painful years fading away. … Step by step, our relationship has become more rapport and harmonious! Though having expression of corruption, we can nevertheless open our hearts, respect and love each other, which is the result yielded by God’s word. Thank God for His love and salvation! May all the glory be to Almighty God!