“Uncle, none of that online chatting stuff is real. There are lots of people now using that to cheat people, how could there be anyone there that really wants to meet you?”
“I know where to draw the line. Mind your own business….”
When Jiamei overheard that exchange between her husband and his niece, her face immediately fell. Why would she say that? Could it be that there was another woman…?
After his niece left, Jiamei couldn’t hold herself back. She asked him: “Why did your niece say that? Is there someone else?”
He paused for a moment, and then prevaricated: “I just invited an online friend to a couple of meals. There’s nothing between us—don’t let your mind run wild.”
Jiamei was incensed—she angrily asked her husband: “A man and a woman go out together just to hang out, to have a meal? Today you may just meet up, but what about tomorrow? What if it continued on like this?” She went on, becoming more and more agitated. “If you’re not happy let’s just get a divorce. We can each take our own path, then we won’t get in each other’s way. Make a choice!” Jiamei appeared indifferent on the surface, but inside she was sad and disappointed, and suffering deeply. She thought, “Could my marriage really end just like this?” She didn’t dare pursue that thought.
Her husband didn’t say a word or look at her, but just sat next to her chain smoking with a pained look on his face.
Three days later, he left for a work trip. At home, Jiamei couldn’t put her mind at rest, worried that he would meet up with his online friend again, so she called him frequently to see what he was up to. Every time he didn’t pick up the phone she rushed to call his colleague, so every time his colleague wasn’t forthcoming Jiamei was anxious to see what kind of woman her husband was with and what was better about her. However, she never could find where he was working which left her mired in anxiety. Her head was swimming and she couldn’t get anything done—she didn’t even want to eat. She was so tormented that she started to look haggard.
Over that period of time their relationship gradually deteriorated. When her husband was off work and at home, when he wasn’t having a meal he’d spend all his time inside chatting with his online friend—he’d stay up well into the night. Jiamei saw how reluctant he was to come home and that he hardly talked to her—if he did, it was curt and he gave her the cold shoulder—but he was enthusiastic about chatting with his friend and wouldn’t even sleep until late at night. This was really painful for her. Unable to hold herself back, she said to him: “It’s already 11! Come to bed.” Shockingly, he rushed at her and yelled: “Then go sleep in another room. Leave me alone!” Seeing his detached, indifferent manner, Jiamei started trembling uncontrollably and said angrily, “If you don’t want to stay together, let’s get a divorce!” But he said: “I won’t be like other men and refuse to take responsibility for my family. I won’t divorce.” Upset and crying, Jiamei left the room. So even though the two of them lived in the same house, they became like strangers under the same roof. Jiamei felt more and more depressed and in pain, and had no idea what to do.
Her husband left when his vacation was over; just Jiamei and their child were left at home. She got up to go out into their courtyard and let out a long sigh, then sat on the stairs gazing up at the starry sky. Occasionally, she’d hear the sound of laughter floating over from the neighbors, and that lovely sound carried her back into the past….
Jiamei had already been through one unsuccessful marriage—her ex-husband was unfaithful and discarded her. Then when she met her current husband, the two of them shared a lot of love at first. She developed chronic meningitis; she suffered from constant headaches and couldn’t do any heavy work. Her husband didn’t turn his back on her at all, but after work every day would come home and cook and do the laundry. He’d even wash her hair for her. If she wanted to have some fruit, he’d brave the winter weather and run around to every fruit stand to bring some back for her. They didn’t have much money at the time, but he used the little savings they had to buy Jiamei a gold necklace just to make her happy. Jiamei took note of his painstaking care for her and felt that she had married the right man—it was very heart-warming for her. She once even asked him, if her condition never improved, would he keep on treating her so well? He solemnly vowed that even if she never got better, he would do so for the rest of their lives. At that moment, Jiamei felt that she had found true love and her own true happiness. Her heart, so wounded in the past, found comfort in her husband—her happiness was incomparable. Jiamei thought, as soon as her condition improved she had to show him even more care and consideration than he had, and spend their lives together in love and harmony.
Just as Jiamei had hoped, they helped each other through a decade of hard times, and their relationship stayed strong. At first they were barely scraping by, but they gradually built up a bit of savings and it appeared that their lives were getting better and better. However, her husband was no longer faithful—Jiamei couldn’t figure it out. People always say that a couple that has gone through thick and thin together has the strongest relationship, but their former vows faded away in just ten years’ time. Why was their marriage so weak? At this thought, Jiame began crying and crying, bitter tears flowing down to the edges of her mouth. Living in constant anxiety, she had aged quite a bit even though she was not yet forty years old. As she headed back inside, Jiamei made a prayer: “Oh God, my husband has another woman. It’s really painful for me and I don’t know how to get through this. Please guide me to understand Your will….”
While in a gathering the next day, Jiamei spoke with some other sisters about her husband’s affair, and one of them showed her a passage from God’s word, “Though there are millions of marriages in the world, every one is different: How many marriages are unsatisfactory, how many are happy; how many span East and West, how many North and South; how many are perfect matches, how many are of equal rank; how many are happy and harmonious, how many painful and sorrowful; how many are the envy of others, how many are misunderstood and frowned upon; how many are full of joy, how many are awash of tears and cause despair…. In these myriad marriages, humans reveal loyalty and lifelong commitment toward marriage, or love, attachment, and inseparability, or resignation and incomprehension, or betrayal of it, even hatred. Whether marriage itself brings happiness or pain, everyone’s mission in marriage is predestined by the Creator and will not change; everyone must fulfill it. And the individual fate that lies behind every marriage is unchanging; it was determined long in advance by the Creator.”
That sister shared in fellowship: “Jiamei, God’s words very clearly explain the matter of our marriages. God predetermines what sort of marriage and family each one of us will have, and that’s a mission that both people must complete. Some couples are constantly fighting and say they’re going to divorce, but they never do; they’re just at each other’s throats for the rest of their lives. And in some marriages, they don’t even argue but it still falls apart. Your husband is being influenced by societal trends, chatting with his online friend and disregarding your feelings. He doesn’t want to get divorced, and this is what God has allowed. We can’t see into the heart of this; we have to seek, otherwise we’ll be living in pain and will be more susceptible to Satan’s trickery, to being toyed with.” Hearing this fellowship, Jiamei thought of how distant she and her husband had become from each other. They met and got married when they were working together and had a really loving relationship for over a decade. She thought that since her husband had someone else on the side it meant that he didn’t have feelings for her anymore, that their marriage was at an end, but he refused to get a divorce. God’s words made her realize that each person’s marriage is in God’s hands, that it is all predetermined by God. Her husband not wanting a divorce contained God’s will, and if she allowed herself to continue getting caught up in her suffering she’d be vulnerable to Satan’s manipulations. Once she understood God’s will, Jiamei was willing to hand her husband over to God.